Troublesome Fools
by Moony vs. Padfoot
Summary: CHAPTER 4 IS UP!
1. Transfiguration Class

**Troublesome Fools By: Moony Vs. Padfoot  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Rowling's characters/settings. My story. Padfoot's story.**  
  
"Restless students, aren't they, Mr. Filch?" Innocent eyes of James Potter and Sirius Black shifted from Minerva McGonagall to Argus Filch, waiting for his response and their punishment.  
  
"Restless? More like troublesome." He glared at James and Sirius.  
  
"I think I'd have to agree with you there."  
  
The dark-haired boys didn't take this as a shock; both of their mothers have said the same on countless occasions.  
  
"What'd they do this time?" Filch said exasperatedly, still holding his glare.  
  
"Argus, this is their first day of classes, you're acting like they've done something else. Which I'm sure they haven't." Not. In McGonagall's mind, they could have blown up London this morning.  
  
"They have. Taunted Mrs. Norris 'bout fifteen times this morning. Kicking her and such. Sayin' she was a dirty old spy." Filch said, sorry for his dear cat.  
  
"Well she is..." Sirius blurted out.  
  
McGonagall wasn't surprised in the two. After what they did, during her class...she shuttered at the thought.  
  
**Flashback to the Transfiguration Classroom (first class for the first years)...**  
  
"...and I will _not _take excuses for any assignment whether homework or class work which should be completed within the time I give it to you..." Professor M. McGonagall was lecturing her first-year class about the do's and don'ts in her class.  
  
"But Professor, what if your animal and slash or dorm mates attempt or threaten to _eat_ your homework?" Sirius interjected, without even a raised hand.  
  
McGonagall gave Sirius a piercing stare. "Mr. Black, if your pet is trained well, I'm positive that it will not try to eat you Transfiguration homework. And I'm sure your dorm mates are mature enough not to eat parchment."  
  
She was just about to continue her famously-boring speech, when James spoke, "Are you saying, Sirius, that you think I'll _eat_ your homework? I doubt you'll even do your homework!"  
  
"Sirius will too do his homework! Sirius wasn't talking about James anyways!" Sirius stood up from his chair.  
  
They were in a fake argument, in the middle on McGonagall; the strictest Professor of them all's class. She'd be able to stop them in a snap. "Mr. Black, Mr. Pot-." Maybe not.  
  
"And _why_ is Sirius talking about himself in the third person?" James stood up.  
  
"Has this become English class, Jamsie?"  
  
"I don't know, maybe it has!"  
  
"Are you threatening me?"  
  
"Perhaps."  
  
"Should we take this to the corridor?"  
  
"Nah, we fight fine here."  
  
"Stop it James, you're embarrassing me." Sirius said in a high-pitched voice, pretending to blush.  
  
"Er-."  
  
"Well if you're sure..." Sirius' voice was back to normal. "Avada Kedavara!" Sirius flipped his quill, pretending it was his wand.  
  
"Avada Kedavara? Ain't that like, the killing curse or something, Siri?"  
  
"Yea."  
  
"Awesome! Where'd you learn it?"  
  
"Mum. She taught me and Regulus over the summer. Said we'd need it for _special purposes_. Except I was just saying the incantation over and over again so she only taught Regulus."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"AVADA KEDAVARA!"  
  
"AVADA KEDAVARA!" James was doing the same thing with his quill.  
  
"AVADA-."  
  
"SHUT UP!" They didn't notice that it was Professor McGonagall saying this, not a student.  
  
"NOO!" They both said in unison.  
  
"AVADA KEDAVARA!"  
  
"AVADA KEDA-."  
  
"BOYS!!"  
  
The room fell silent, from the giggling girls in the corner to the shiny- eyed Sirius and James. No student –more importantly a first-year – had dared to disrupt the lectures of McGonagall. They were trouble. They were future marauders.  
  
"Yes Professor?" Sirius said politely.  
  
"I will see _both_ of you after class. I'm not in the mood to waste valuable learning time with a lecture on behavior."  
  
The boys showed no sign of coward ness or fear over the woman in charge of them. This is what brings McGonagall down.  
  
**Back to the current time in Filch's office... (Why they are there I don't know...)**  
  
"Shall we reward Hogwarts' new troublemakers?" McGonagall suggested to Filch, whose face showed what he felt on this matter. Duh.  
  
"Yes please!" Sirius exclaimed, with a famously mad grin on his face.  
  
"Since you're so enthiastic Mr. Black, I'd be happy to give it to both of you" Professor McGonagall said. "One week of detentions. You may be off."  
  
Sirius and James were left snickering away to Potions class. This wasn't even phase 1 of a troublesome, foolish friendship.  
  
**Like it? I thought of this story while my mom was at the dermatologist. Review please, people! I know you want to! **


	2. Peeves and Potions Class

**Chapter 2: Peeves and Potions Class  
  
JK owns the characters. My plot. My potions teacher. My watery balloons. Don't sue poor Paddy.**  
  
There was no stopping them. They were like a swarm of cockroaches infesting your house. And even the trained professionals can't stop them. They are troublemakers. They are James and Sirius. They are going to potions class.  
  
"Potions," Sirius muttered, as they trudged down the stairs to the dungeons. "I don't want to go to potions." He whined.  
  
"Well then, Siri," James suggested. "Let's not. Let's find Peeves. He's cool."  
  
"Well, it's easy to find Peeves." Sirius bragged.  
  
"Oh yeah? Get 'em down here then."  
  
Sirius ran and crashed over a glass vase. Then he yelled, at the top of his lungs (it echoed, since they were halfway to the dungeons), "Oh PEEVES!!"  
  
"Sure, like that'll make a poltergeist come down here." James whispered to his best friend.  
  
"Just wait, he'll come," Sirius whispered back.  
  
It was dead silent, for about 2 minutes, then, Sirius started cracking up. It was too quiet. For too long. "Oh PEEVES!!" They both screeched.  
  
About 5 seconds later, a little man with a wide mouth appeared, looking quite interrupted, and holding a screwdriver.  
  
"Hi Peeves," Sirius said brightly.  
  
"Oh it's Mr. Blackie so wackie, the teachers say he deserves a smackie..." Peeves said, until he couldn't think of anything else to rhyme with 'blackie.'  
  
James whispered in Sirius's ear, "Why did we do this again?"  
  
"I dunno," Sirius said back. "We were bored, and Peeves is cool?"  
  
They shrugged in unison. "Peeves is getting boring. The insults are also getting boring." Sirius said, although he was always bored.  
  
"I know," James agreed. "Let's ditch him." Sirius was right behind him. But Peeves wouldn't let him leave that early. Why, he hadn't even dive-bombed them with peppermints yet! "And where might you two marauders be going?" He cackled.  
  
"To potions class, Peeves," James said, turning his head back to look at the dark-eyed man.  
  
"What does 'marauders' mean?" Sirius questioned.  
  
Peeves ignored Sirius and laughed, "Not today, oh no, you're not! Classes make your small brains rot!"  
  
"Oh," Sirius said, eyebrows raised. He never knew that. He just thought that classes and homework and studying made your brains swell until they busted inside your skull.  
  
Suddenly, Peeves grabbed a hold of Sirius's nose and yelled, "GOT YOUR CONK!" It left Sirius cracking up, instead how most students run away in fear. Best try James. A water balloon made contact with the side of James's face, splattering his left side with sugary water. The sugar made it sticky.  
  
"No fair!" Sirius yelled at Peeves. "I wanna get hit with a sugar ball too!!" Well, Peeves always liked messing things up, even if the things enjoyed it. Sirius opened his mouth wide, and the water balloon landed on his nose, spilling the sugar-water down in his mouth and down his shirt.  
  
"More, more, MORE!!" Sirius and James yelled. A wide-faced grin split across Peeves' face. They were surely going to get in trouble for this. Once Peeves threw about fifty sticky-sugar-water balloons at the now soaked boys, they got bored of it and Peeves flew off, looking for more things to destroy.  
  
"That was FUN!" James screamed.  
  
"I KNOW! Let's do that AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN!!!" Sirius grinned madly. Sugar was not good for Sirius to have. His mother found that out at a very young age. He was bouncing off the walls for hours. Literally. He _bounced_ off of the walls.When Mrs. Black threw him agenst one.  
  
Of course, they were in the dungeons by now, and the echoing and amount of noise was impossible to hide. Professor McDurman, the potions master, came hobbling out of his classroom.  
  
Professor McDurman was an old man with thin black hair that was pulled into a small ponytail. He wasn't the easiest person to listen to. Even if you can live through Sirius's speech. McDurman's voice was very loud and it would echo throughout whatever room he was in. Annoying.  
  
"Boys," He said, looking at them, robes sticking to their bodies, hair wet and limp stuck to their faces. "Wha- What happened?"  
  
"We er- _accidentally _ran into Peeves on the way down, Professor," James said in a courteous sort of voice.  
  
"Yes, sir. And Peeves kept throwing sticky water balloons at us!" Sirius said, in the most hyper-polite voice he could muster.  
  
"Peeves, eh?" Mr. McDurman said. "Well, you're still late for class. Very late. 25 points from Gryffindor. Each."  
  
And the three walked into the Potions classroom, full of Gryffindor and Slytherin first years. Fifty points from Gryffindor. Sirius and James- still sticky, sugary, and wet. Sirius- still hyper, as always. They got a lot of stares at the state of their robes.  
  
"Now," the Professor said, sitting back down, "that we all are here, and I finished our role call, I'd like to say that Sirius Black and James Potter finally arrived. They seemed to have a mishap with our poltergeist."  
  
The students weren't surprised. "And so we will continue our class by brewing a very simple potion with very few ingredients."  
  
Sirius raised his hand before speaking this time, but didn't wait for Professor McDurman to call on him. "Professor, did you, by any chance, tell us- the point of potions class?" The Gryffindors laughed.  
  
Professor McDurman pretended that he didn't hear Sirius's question. "Now, the instructions are on the board. And the ingredients you need can be found in this cupboard. You have forty minutes. Begin." He showed them a blackboard with 10 instructions on it, and opened a closet-like cupboard.  
  
James and Sirius were sitting next to a (VERY) greasy haired boy they had encountered on the train ride to Hogwarts. His name was Snivellus Snarp, or something like that. Sirius decided to make a new Slytherin friend. "Hey Snivellus!" He said to the boy, who ignored him. "Hey Snarp!" Sirius said again. The greasy haired boy turned.  
  
"Are you talking to me?" He had a soft voice, which was hard to hear in the room of hustling students.  
  
"Yea, isn't your name Snivellus?" Sirius was still grinning. It was a LOT of sugary-water-balloons.  
  
The boy sighed. "No."  
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
"Severus Snape."  
  
"Oh. Severus? What kind of deranged parent would name their son Severus? I mean, look at the name. Sever-us. Kill-us. Kill us Snape! You're a killer pureblood loser person!" Some nearby Gryffindors giggled into their cauldrons.  
  
"What kind of deranged parent would name their son Sirius?" James said, jokingly, adding some stick-like ingredient to the cauldron.  
  
"Shut up." Snape and Sirius said at the same time.  
  
"I'm still calling you Snivellus, though." Sirius said, pouring a cold liquid into their (his and James's) potion.  
  
"Fine. Just not Kill Us." Snape pushed a lock of greasy hair behind his ear so it wouldn't get in the potion.  
  
"Fine with me. Kill us Snape."  
  
"Stop insulting my name! As if it's MY fault!"  
  
"Stop insulting my imaginary friend! It's not HIS fault he's half giraffe!" The argument became more and more pathetic, while more and more of the class began watching the two. McDurman, however, was reading, and paid no attention to his class whatsoever.  
  
"When did we pull your imaginary friend into this?"  
  
"Since you insulted him."  
  
"I never insulted your imaginary friend, Black!"  
  
"Kill us, you know you did!"  
  
"Did NOT!"  
  
"Stop bickering like a little child or I will be forced to do some 'Black magic' on you."  
  
"You don't even know any spells, stupid!"  
  
"Yea, as a matter of fact I do, Pureblood."  
  
"Which one?"  
  
"AVADA KEDEVRA!"  
  
**I promise you all that there WILL be a chapter 3 and possibly 4 before I leave. 'Marauders' acually means 'theives and plunderers' or somthing like that. Review, please!**


	3. Potions Class Part 2

**Chapter 3: Potions Class Part 2  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and do not plan to. Like, ever.**  
  
"I'm sure your good-for-nothing parents taught you_ that _spell by now, Killer?" Sirius said smoothly.  
  
"I can recognize it, yea. No clue how to use it," Severus argued. "And I'm sure your parents are good-for-something?"  
  
"Suuurre," Sirius said disbelievingly. "What does Avada Kedavara do? And—my parents are good-for-nothing as well."  
  
"It's the killing curse, duh." Snape said offhandedly.  
  
"Aha! You've used it before!"  
  
"You're mental, Black!" Snape stood up.  
  
"Thank you." Sirius also got off of his chair.  
  
"It wasn't meant to be a complement."  
  
"Well, thanks anyways."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For keeping your hair out of my face."  
  
"What's wrong with my hair?"  
  
"It's HIDEOUS!"  
  
"And yours isn't?"  
  
"At least mine isn't greasy!"  
  
"So? At least I try and get it un-greasy!"  
  
"You're fighting a losing battle there, Snivelly. Once I learn the correct spell, I'll make it so you can win your battle. My hair is gorgeous!" Sirius flipped his hair.  
  
"I'll win within the next 7 years without your help!" Snape said.  
  
"No you won't!"  
  
"Will to!"  
  
"Won't!"  
  
"Will!"  
  
"Won't!"  
  
"Will!"  
  
"WON'T"  
  
"WILL!"  
  
"WON'T"  
  
"WILL!"  
  
Splat. Snape was hit squarely in the face with a blob of Sirius and James's potion. It was a good thing the potion had no real effect on people.  
  
"What—was—that—for?" Snape sputtered, swallowing some of the vile tasting liquid.  
  
"You disgust me." Sirius said truthfully.  
  
"And you me."  
  
Splat. Snape was hit again.  
  
"Nice shot, Siri!" James said, giving up on making the potion.  
  
Snape's abnormally large nose was dripping potion as he lamely tossed a bit at Sirius's face, who ducked. The potion was now aiming at James, who also moved out of the way. Snape's throw ended up landing on a Gryffindor girl next to James in the side of the face. Lily Evans. It spilt down her chin to her robes. She did not look happy.  
  
"Excuse ME!" Lily snapped, wiping off the right side of her face.  
  
James quickly pointed at Sirius, who pointed at Snape.  
  
"WELL?" She demanded at Sirius and Severus. "Which one of you did it?"  
  
"Snivellus the greasy-haired pureblood." Sirius said alongside with Snape's, "Black the crazed-insane fool."  
  
"I'm going to get nowhere with that," Lily pulled a lock of scarlet hair behind her ear. "What are your_ real_ names?"  
  
"Sirius Black."  
  
"Severus Snape."  
  
"No, you're name's Snivellus. Or Pureblood. Or Killer." Sirius said promptly.  
  
"You're a pureblood too, you know."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Pureblood."  
  
"Slytherin Pureblood."  
  
"Gryffindor Pureblood."  
  
"Greasy-Haired Slytherin Pureblood."  
  
"Foolish Gryffindor Pureblood."  
  
"Loser Greasy-Haired Slytherin Pureblood."  
  
"Insane Foolish Gryffindor Pureblood."  
  
"Friendless Loser Greasy-Haired Slytherin Pureblood."  
  
"Deranged Insane Foolish Gryffindor Pureblood."  
  
"Nerdy Friendless Loser Greasy-Haired Slytherin Pureblood."  
  
"Mental Deranged Insane Foolish Gryffindor Pureblood."  
  
"Big-Nosed Nerdy Friendless Loser Greasy-Haired Slytherin Pureblood."  
  
"Hyperactive Mental Deranged Insane Foolish Gryffindor Pureblood."  
  
"Un-Popular Big-Nosed Nerdy Friendless Loser Greasy-Haired Slytherin Pureblood."  
  
"Pathedic Hyperactive Mental Deranged Insane Foolish Gryffindor Pureblood."  
  
"Killer Un-Popular Big-Nosed Nerdy Friendless Loser Greasy-Haired Slytherin Pureblood."  
  
Severus couldn't think of anymore insulting names to call Sirius, and he didn't want to complement him.  
  
"And I'm sure you two let that out in an appropriate moment," Lily said, who had actually survived their mindless bickering.  
  
"Yep we did," Sirius acknowledged.  
  
Splat. Potion made contact with Sirius's face, "Ahh! My face! My beautiful face!"  
  
"You deserve it."  
  
"You deserve it more, Snivellus."  
  
But Snape had already left. Potions class was over.  
  
"I so won that argument agenst Severus," Sirius said in a high-pitched girlish voice as him and James walked to lunch. "He was just being SUCH a sore loser. A-Duh."  
  
"Siri, drop the act," James scowled.  
  
Sirius immediately grabbed hold of his backside. "No." James gave him a disapproving look. Sirius let go, "What'd I do, What'd I do?"  
  
"Shut it." James ordered.  
  
"Yes ma'am."  
  
About 2 minutes later, Sirius began to whine. "I don't want to go to lunch."  
  
"You don't like to go to places you're forced to go to do you?"  
  
"Err—no."  
  
"What about Hogwarts?"  
  
"I had to scream like a girl for an hour strait to force my mum to take me to the station."  
  
"Interesting."  
  
"Thanks I know."  
  
"Since you don't want to go to lunch, let's torment Snivellus 'till he hurls!"  
  
"COOL!!"  
  
"I know. You want to?"  
  
"I'm hungry."  
  
"Want to go to lunch?"  
  
"Yep!"  
  
**That's Chapter 3 for you. I luff all you reviewers so much! Lots of mindless bickering in this chapter, eh? REVIEW! It's the only thing that keeps Padfoot going!**


	4. Lunchtime!

**Chapter 4: Lunchtime!  
  
Disclaimer: JK's stuffs. Paddy's story. You get the picture.**  
  
So, after 11 sandwiches and a few apples, James suggested that they 'apologize' to the Snapey person. Unfortunately, Snape wasn't in the Hall for Lunch. Must be outside, focusing on his own self-pity. And outside they went. Under and overlarge oak was the greasy hared git.  
  
"Good afternoon to you, Snivellus," James said as the two of them walked up to Snape.  
  
Snape looked up from the book he was reading with a menacing glare. "You know, one of these days, once I learn a few good curses, just for you two, you're going to regret _ever_ messing with me."  
  
"Yeah, you do that," James said with no sign of fear.  
  
Snape looked at him with a cold sort of expression on his face. "So, why are you hear, anyway?"  
  
Sirius looked at James with an 'why-did-I-agree-to-do-this?' kind of look; "We're here to apologize, Snivellus."  
  
"Apologize to what, the room that has been forced to house you your entire life?" Snape spat.  
  
"We're apologizing to a who, mind you," James said, looking out into the lake.  
  
"I'm very sorry you're such a loser, Snivellus," Sirius said quite belivingly.  
  
"And I'm sorry you look like a vampire," James nodded.  
  
Snape had a blank expression on his face. They insulted his name, threw potion at him, and embarrassed him in front of the class; now they have to apologize for his popularity and looks? "Well you two sure are nice," Snape said very sarcastically.  
  
"You're welcome," Sirius smiled, feeling proud of himself.  
  
"I think he was being sarcastic, mate," suggested James. Sirius looked disappointed.  
  
"As a matter of fact I _was_," Snape went back to reading his book on Dark Arts.  
  
There was a moment's silence. Every three seconds, Sirius would fake-cough, as if seeing how quietly he could do it.  
  
"Well . . .?" Snape proclaimed. The two snapped back to attention.  
  
"Well what?" Sirius questioned.  
  
"Go."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Go!"  
  
"Some one woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, eh?" James concluded.  
  
"I agree," Sirius said. Snape only glared at them.  
  
The two glared back with smiles on their faces. It was just one of those things where two people meet eyes—and become enemies. The opposite of the Sirius/James outcome.  
  
"Go," Snape said in barely a whisper.  
  
"Make us," James and Sirius said together, still no trace of fear in their voices. All Snape could do was send sparks at them, right?  
  
Snape took out his wand; Sirius and James did the same. "Expelliarmus!" Snape yelled, he was standing up now. Both James and Sirius were knocked off their feet, their wands caught in Snape's outstretched hand.  
  
"I- never- want- to- see- your faces-- for the rest of my short life," Snape said slowly in barely a whisper.  
  
"But who, exactly, were you saying that to?" Sirius asked, starting to get up. James was doing the same.  
  
"Both of you!" He yelled. "And any of your Gryffindor friends!" Snape's temper was rising tremendously.  
  
"Oh good, no Ravenclaws will have to suffer," said James. They were all on their feet, James and Sirius reaching for their wands. Snape stepped back a few feet.  
  
"You don't want to do this the hard way, Snivellus," Sirius smiled.  
  
Snape simply said, "Petrificus Totalus!"  
  
Sirius and James's arms and legs snapped to their sides. They fell to the floor as if they were made of stone.  
  
"Have a nice life," Snape spat, walking off and tossing the wands aside.  
  
About a half-hour later when the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff first-years went outside for their Herbology lesson—an annoyed-looking Lily Evans rescued James and Sirius.  
  
"Don't expect me to go saving you again, Potter." Where her last words to them.  
  
"We were DUELING. And besides, I could have UN-frozen myself EASY," James was babbling to her all the way to Herbology. Sirius was left snickering behind them.  
  
"Uh-huh," Lily said disbelivingly, taking a seat as far away from them as possible.  
  
**There's chapter four for ya. Sorry I slacked for SO LOOOONG. It's really not my fault. It's my stupid attention span. REVIEW OR SNAPE WILL CURSE YOU TOO!**


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